Spring Cleaning

To say goodbye . . . 

in the place of what? in the place of I love you? in the place of I need you? In the place of your wants?

To say goodbye and to let go . . . 

In the place of holding on, in the place of clinging to the past, in the place of stubborn habits.

We lived for our own agenda, our own plans, our own walk in life.

To say goodbye is to truly love, and it is what it takes to truly care.

We practice loving, we practice caring but to practice goodbye seems taboo.

Why? isn't it a part of life? isn't it a major part of what it is to live, to grow and mature?

so why is it something we reject?

Why is it something that we fear? Rejection? Pain? Loss?

I have loved, and i have cared! 

I have clung to the past and through it hoped for a false future. 
An illusion. . . 

I have heard the words of reality ring through my ears so many times that tears were a waste of my much needed time.

You were a habit.

A habit that I held so dear that i became a victim of my own fantasies.

I lived in a dream of what life could have been instead of what it was.

To say goodbye is something i had never considered.

I was holding onto your memories & it seemed so natural. It only made sense to do so.

But who was it hurting? only me. . . You, unaware of my thoughts, my heart, lived on and dreamt of others.

A vicious cycle this love thing creates.

It seemed like a trap at times while it preyed on its naive and helpless victims. 

And in the end, time and pain seemed like a neighbor next to my hopelessly broken heart. 

To say goodbye . . . In the place of what? the hope for a better tomorrow?

This is potential that is birthed out of the shed skin of my yesterdays.

Loving you beyond what I had deemed my love to be from the past. 

Say goodbye? . . .yes I must, it is the only way in which I can breathe!

It is the only way I will breathe in the fresh scent of spring.

the dusty curtains of aged pain and regrets no longer cling to my mind.

To say goodbye . . . It is the only way to give you a chance to heal.

I desire for you to live, to laugh and to love even if that meant I couldn't share those moments with you.

Saying goodbye was a cut of the soul but a necessary cut on a cancerous cell that viciously grew.

To say goodbye . . . Honey I did it . . . I did it not only for me but for you.