"To do: Guided iamgery - close your eyes, take a few deep, measured breath, and think about what keeps you from writing. Imagine it as an object. Give this thing that keeps you from writing a color, a shape, a texture, a temperature, a sound - the voice of a parent or a teacher. pay attention to how this object or voice makes you feel. then write about it. . ." -Barbara Abercrombie
. . .
i think on this object that holds me back from writing and i think of rejection. rejection if it was manifested as a monetary object would subject itself to hardness and coldness. there is a finality to its cruel words and a fear that permeates your pores when you get to close to its hate. it leaves a nasty and putrefying scent in the air and makes your skin feel grimy if you allow the words of rejection to enter your mind.
it is irrational and crazy and has not an inkling of logic behinds its bite. but when it does bite, the mark does pierce your hearts membrane and leave an open wound to fester. its that bite that leaves you hesitant in the wake of jumping into the decision. putting your words on paper and letting the world see those words is like letting the world see who you really are. and the idea that the world would reject my words would be the world rejecting the very essence of who i am. and that would break me more than any other passion i would use and practice in this world. for my minds imagination and expression is the very core of my being.
rejection even though it is not a literal road block that can stub your toe or break your neck can break your spirit and break your motivation. rejection is the worst enemy i have faced. and it knows it all to well that is why at night when i lay to sleep he's right there by my ear loudly screaming profanity. reminding me of everything in my life that i failed at slightly, completely and utterly. he is the truest enemy against my pen.
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