I have always told my mom that home is where my family is. It was never the house we lived in, or the childhood room that i always lived in, or the yard i experienced my first scraped knee in. No, it was the first hug i experienced in my mothers warm arms, it was the day of graduation when my father told me he was proud to call me his daughter, it was all the moments Anja would wake me up in the wee hours of the morning to talk with me, and the random hugs and kisses i shared with Ams. It was all the moments Trey protected me as a little girl. those moments were when i was home. So how do you define what home is? do you define it monetarily or do you define it by the love of those that are in your life?
now how i define love has changed of late. a new kind of love has entered my life. it is the truly pure and undefinable love. And though i feel this love towards my parents and siblings this love is so much more intense with the new addition that has entered our lives. His name is Matthew Bradyn! He is my nephew.
in a couple months he will be one year old and it seems like just yesterday when i held him for the first time as only about three months. He has grown so much and as he matures each day his personality seems to bloom even more! He is so beautiful.
this past Christmas was one of those moments when i realized just how blessed i was in my life to have such a little angel in my life. He truly is a blessing to us. i always say he is the only boy that ever made my heart feel this way!
i live out of state because i go to college and while i am gone i miss some pivotal moments of Matthew's life however my twin keeps me and Ams up to date. For instance Matthew had one of his teeth crown last week, and though he hasn't started to crawl he has learned the valuable skill of rolling his way to his destination.
with this past Christmas i was restless to get home to see my handsome little man and after the couple hours of the plane trip we made it home and i entered the apartment. i went straight to Anja and Ryan's room. I didn't even care that the baby was asleep. i just wanted to see his face. As i snuck into the room. withholding even my breath, and quietly and slowly opening the creaky door. the small table lamplight was on with a baby rag draped over it. as i neared the crib and came to the edge and began to look over. my heart was over come with an irrational and incomparable love for this child. this was a feeling i had never imagined i would feel.
it was a feeling of such extreme love that as it swept over me, it seemed to blast past my very body and swarm around the room with its potency. i noticed his amazingly handsome little lips pucker as he sucked on the inside of his mouth. i noticed his amazingly beautiful almond shaped eyes turn into two long moon crescents on his face as he slept. i noticed his angel soft and perfect blonde hair messily fall against his forehead and pillow. He was perfect and beautiful, and as i noticed these things, i sighed in awe and in that moment i woke him up.
of course i felt terrible until the moment he looked up with that adorably cloudy sleepy look in his eyes to look into my face. And as he saw me, he smirked that handsome half smile and my heart melted. i picked him up and as his arms held straight out from him to balance himself he smiled at me. it was in that moment when we looked at each other that my life was complete.
that was the happiest moment i had for the longest time. seeing my nephew, feeling him in my arms and realizing what a beautiful creation God bestowed in our lives. And though he is not my child i love him so much. i love taking care of him (not changing diapers) hugging him, talking to him, and loving him.
i loved giving him baths, and watching him laugh as he splashed his feet in the water and playing with his little sea creatures i got him for Christmas in his ducky tub. there is no greater joy than watching the innocent experience and discover the world in their time. Matthew is growing into a beautiful individual and i love that it is in his own rhythm and pace and i wouldn't have it any other way. my most cherished moment is when i am home and the people that love me beyond my flaws and insecurities are around me. They love me for who i am. But i think my most cherished moment ever was the look in Matthew's eyes when i realized he loved me beyond that. He doesn't know why he loves me, he doesn't even question it. he just loves and he doesn't need a reason to love either. the purest and truest love was in his eyes, the eyes of an innocent.
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