My Season for Spring

There are times in my life where it seems a fog has rested on the recesses of my mind.
it isn't a fog of confusion. it seems more of an intentional mist that numbs my emotions.
many times i cannot seem to translate the feelings within
and like a spinning top it seems to turn and turn inside me without any clear definition.
i catch myself resting my chin on my hand, leaning forward in a chair with my fogging thoughts reaching far into the deep as a glazed look covers my eyes.
What is it that i am thinking? Am i lonely? Am i searching for purpose? Am i seeking personal definition? In the grand scheme of life, your have more confidence when you know where your feet are landing
but in the fog many times you cant see the ground in which you walk. Right now the ground seems unclear and the fog in its chilly mist is cool to the skin.
I catch myself thinking random phrases like, "If you want to change, you need to make the change happen." or "Its not the intent of the heart that gives a person motivation but rather their will."
I ask myself how strong my will really is to be proactive in this life.
I get so comfortable with the fog many times that i sit on the unclear ground, where i was once walking, and with my knees crossed just deeply breath in the mist. I can feel its undefined emotion fill my lungs and i contemplate on its ambigious nature.
Why do i do that?
All around me the landscape ahead and behind me is foggy, the edges are blurry. my peripheral vision is unhelpful and i wonder where i am. in those moments i realize that without real personal purpose i drift into the fog. its a slow drifting. a sliding of the heart.
It is a complacency that makes the ground muddy with its disappointments. and i begin to trek along life with an emotionless demeanor. can the fog lift, or is it there forever?
I always forget that life is full of seasons. The winter will not always nip at my toes, just as the summer sun will not always bake my skin.
But, when you are in that season, experiencing the heat in its most intense moment, always feels like an eternity even if it is but a few seconds.
the fog of my mind is only in a season, and soon enough spring will dance in the morning light. i'll hear the baby birds in their nest, and the grasshoppers in the grass. the light will pierce the ambiguity and give clarity to the numbness.
its only a season
and seasons come and go
its the beautiful thing about life, it can always change
Spring come quickly and clear the fog
Because its my season for spring