"Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside by fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry."
-2 Timothy 4:2-5
I was a teenager at the ripe age of 13 and i was in a church that was difficult, in a home that was rough, and a side of town that was straight up ghetto. The only godly living examples i had in my life (that i also trusted) were my mother, my assistant pastor Bro Jackson, Jodi Mcfarland, and Anthony Delarosa. These people at such a young age played a major role in why i stayed (struggled none the less) but stayed in church. However the godly living of those individuals was not enough to instill enough conviction in my own heart to live the holy life of my mother.
The problem was that i did not truly understand why the religion of my mother should be the religion of my life. I desired so deeply the experience and relationship these people had with God but beyond that i could not find that courage or knowledge within myself and i didn't have the resources at hand to figure it out. and so for many years up until i was seventeen years old i drifted in and out of church (mostly out). When i was 16 years old i was completely lost and dying within. I had ultimately given up on church and God and completely backslid into the world. Being raised in a spiritually broken family, where a mother served God, and a father that did not made living for God difficult because at a young age, you aren't sure which is the right way to live.
I remember that feeling . . . It is an empty, vacuum like feeling within your soul that you literally cannot fill with anything else. Relationships couldn't fill the emptiness, writing couldn't, art couldn't, singing couldn't and smoking and drinking couldn't. Only Christ could fill it and i didn't know how to get there. But when i did, i never desired the life of the world ever again. Because when Jesus walked into my heart, that hollow ache and emptiness literally disappeared from my life and i have never felt it ever since. so when i hear the words of todays generation, people raised in the church who confide in me and confess, "Ash i have never left the church, i don't know what it is like to live that life. All i have known is God i just want to try it once to feel what it is like. I Want To Have Fun." I looked upon these individuals with sadness and brokenness in my heart because i knew that what they desired was nothing like they romanticed it to be in their minds. I question them asking, "What is going on inside your heart and in your relationship with God that you would feel that living the life of a sinner 'just once' is okay?"
And i realized in that moment that in the 1st century all the way up to the 21st century there will always be those that have 'itching ears' for the world and will turn their hearts from 'sound doctrine' for a life of pleasure and 'fables.' There will always be those deceived by the many teachers and fables that pass from ear to ear.
"Be diligent to come to me quickly; for Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and has departed for Thessalonica-Crescens for Galatia, Titus for Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. . . At my first defense no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them."
-2 Timothy 4:9-11, 16
2 Timothy 4 speaks of the struggle of solitude that living the Holy life of Christ can be. All those close to Paul deserted him for what he said was, "having loved this present world,"
I am deep in thought these past few days. Being an individual that is grounded (strongly) in my convictions i stand around as i watch people all around me give up on theirs. There is a compromise of world views that have enticed the people away from God for a life of pleasure and convenience. I am only 23 years of age in July but as young as i am, i am watching as those people that you imagined would and should be the leaders of the church are the ones that are falling to their own pleasures and unbiblical convictions. literally the many that stood with me in truth for years have now abandoned me to live a life for themselves. Now you may say, "Ash aren't you being a little melodramatic?" When I see a youth group of thirty at thirteen years of ago turn into a group of 8 to 10 people left actually living a life as a Christian i have cause to pause. Even recently watching those closest to me continually attacked by the adversary, and ultimately watching them succumb to his darts and arrows. i watch helpless on the other side as they turn from God.
I am just now learning how lonely the life of a Christian can be. For truth seems so solitary many times. But just because i don't have the crowds approval for my life as a christian doesn't mean that truth has changed. For truth hasn't changed, the people have allowed themselves to be changed. Dr Myles Munroe, In his book, 'The Spirit of Leadership: Cultivating the Attitudes that Influence Human Action, Wrote; "I believe the problem is that leadership has become a role one plays rather than a life one leads. Contemporary leaders are attempting to divorce their personal lives from their public responsibilities and their personal standards from their public lives. To many, leadership is an act, not a calling." (19-20) Just as the life of a Christian can so easily become an act rather than a calling. For the calling of a Christian is for everyone, but is rejected by so many. Where are the leaders in todays Christian church? and why do even the saints of the church feel so alone even among the crowd? For i feel abandoned in truth today.
"But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the gentiles might hear. Also i was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen!"
-2 Timothy 4:17-18
However Paul did not end the chapter with his solitude, he ended it with an encouraging word! He said that God strengthened him, protected Him and provided for him. Though this earthly place may feel lonely, you can be assured that you are never alone in the kingdom of God.
Now the question now asked is though i am learning the life of a Christian is a lonely road sometimes, why don't i use this to my advantage? As a leader, and as a witness, i can reach the world, and even those that have left the faith. In many ways, those that walked away where affected by dysfunctional leadership or biblical misinterpretation. Todays society thrives on a perverted and misconstrued idea of what leadership should be. As Dr. Myles Munroe Wrote, "Learning about leadership and knowing what it means to be a leader are two different things. Learning comes from education, while knowing comes from revelation. Learning is cognitive, while knowing is spiritual. You do not really change until you 'know.' Knowing changes your mind, which transforms your attitude, which, in turn, informs, directs, and regulates your behavior." (44-45) So then i propose this question, how much more would people be living in Christ if they 'knew' their potential through God's spiritual revelation. For we are all leaders of something. Some for Christ and some for themselves. I would rather be the one leading for Christ.
The problem is that so many that fall away are deceived by their own mindsets and even on how they perceive themselves. Feeling abandoned by God (whom they can't hear, for various reasons) feel the need to fully desert Him. Instead of taking the opportunity of the trial and adversity to grow and mature through the situation. We so easily can become dissuaded from truth, through the twisting and manipulation of language. In the very beginning, in the garden of Eden, Even Eve was deceived by Satan simply through the twisting of words. Our worst enemy is ourselves. If we cannot see ourselves as living a holy life even in a trial, or see ourselves as leaders even when we are alone then it is so easy for us to abandon 'sound doctrine' for the doctrine of pleasure.
Leaders of Christ it is time to stand up and take claim of our minds, of our lives, and responsibility for our actions! Stop living a double life and take up the cross as Christ would have you do. we are all commissioned for His great purpose, no one is an exception. Leaving the truth does not exempt you from judgment so don't deceive yourself into thinking that you are living a life that is acceptable in His eyes. Search the word and search your heart. Only then can you become the leader God meant you to be. and maybe then i won't feel so abandoned in Truth.
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way." -Psalm 37:23
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