How do you begin an apology? How do they all sound to the ear? empty? half truths? White lies? Or sometimes can they really be deemed as sincere and full of remorse? I have been pondering life lately, and i believe i need to apologize to myself. I believed when i had written "Goodbye to the Cliche" that it was in all unbiased sincerity the only way to survive the past by forgetting it. but i learned that just because the cliche could not be real in the past doesn't mean the future doesn't have the potential for it.
Many times i catch myself looking at my life from a mirrored lens that has already aged and withered. But if that were the case, my skin would be wasted away already, and years of disappointments would have left its mark on me much deeper than it does now. I forget many times that in the now, in the present i hold the power to make the beautiful cliche a reality.
I can have the porch swing. I can have a husband that kisses me before work, and have a ranch home that looks out across half an acre of land :) I can make as much iced tea i want and sit with my children and listen to them laugh. I can buy the baby clothes and do my daughter's hair. I can have the cliche! It's up to me to believe that all that can come true. If i don't want a husband that yells at me and doesn't respect me then i won't marry a loser. i will marry a wonderful man of God that serves him with all his heart and has a heart to hear me and respect me enough. I can have reading hour, and cook him dinner (not around a tv, but at the table) I can have all that. I don't have to give up the cliche simply because I have never had it before!
and so i apologize to myself for believing that those beautiful things can't come true. I apologize for setting limits on myself. I apologize for being the pessimistic me :)
I FEEL BETTER! :)
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