The Grey Door Called Death

Sometimes when I think of death, I think of a grey door that is cracked open. One side of the door is dark and shadowed while inside streaming from the crack is light that is radiant and bright. But i stand at such a distance that I cannot see the mystery of where that light comes from. Many times I have wondered what it would be like to finally turn the door knob and open the door wider. I wonder what it would be like to have that white radiant light warming my cheeks as it touches my face. But there is a mystery of death that no living soul can fully understand. There are certain aspects we can grasp but as a whole we cannot touch the door, nor enter it because we are living.
Tonight I lost my Papaw and last week my dear friend lost her husband. But i didn't find out about his death until tonight. And as a result it turned into a double blow. I know they are both in better places but my heart aches and i wonder about that door.
I wonder why when I think of death I see a door. something that is so final yet full of potential. It is simply a door. A way of passage from one side to another but in passing through, you experience two different and completely unique settings. I miss my Papaw, but most of all I wish my mommy wasn't crying. I wish, she didn't have to experience the pain of 'losing someone.' Just as I wish I could heal the pain of Linda losing her precious soulmate. Through their pain and loss i ache just as deeply and I find myself once again contemplating the grey door called death.
The problem with this special door is that for the most part, once you step through you cannot come back. And a person's soul that once inhabited flesh now just becomes flesh. Empty, soulless, and quiet. I think that is the most perplexing aspect to me. Not death itself but rather the emptiness of the person once they are gone. That i think is the most painful part. Knowing that though that body may look like your loved one, may still feel or smell like him or her, it isn't them anymore. Yes I think that is the most painful part of all.
And I wish many times humanity didn't have to experience that kind of disconnect. And so i resolve to continue to see the grey door, cracked open, and I still wonder what lies on the other side. But as usual I sit here broken and mystified.