The library smells of seasoned books.
Parchment like wine, aging at its finest
as i take in a deep breath and allow the dust and ink smells to fill my lungs
i feel motivated enough to cross to the other end of the building to search keywords on the decrepit old sand man computer for my final exam
its a take home exam in which i need to answer 3 questions and answer a fourth one for extra credit
with books spilled all about me on a flat desk with no foot rest i set out to write my final exam
hours pass as i have my nose in book after book
i sit with my back arched forward in a red patterned desk chair that i am sure my grandparents used for house decorations
I continued looking up references, quotes and pertinent information for my four topics
I yawn every couple hours, and rub my itchy eyes and continue on
with my earphones in i smile every once in a while as a good tune sings to my soul
friends will randomly laugh at me as i realize i am humming a tune out loud while bobbing my head to the beat
it is in that moment that i realize that i am humming and bobbing that i turn a rosy cheeked blush and laugh embarrassingly
i then proceed to apologize for getting carried away and continue with my studies.
with my nose yet again in a book
i grab a chocolate bar from Christmas that i tear open and enjoy as i read about the Godhead and youth ministries
another couple hours pass and i have ashamedly eaten 3 bars of chocolate and listened to at least 20 to 30 Kpop songs on my itunes.
3 questions for my final are complete and i wonder if it would be worth it to do the extra credit
i battle within feeling a deep sense of natural and genetic laziness and lack of motivation
as i battle within with my sense of responsibility and my natural tendencies to do as little as possible
my responsibility wins over and i grab another stack of books and trudges forward with continued fortitude
the kpop continues and the humming of my voice like a lilt plays on
i feel more and more drawn to distractions such as my email and youtube but I temper the temptations and conclude the final question.
i then stare at my final feeling extremely insecure, wondering if it will be enough
i want to feel confident
and as i tie up all the last points and go to turn it in i feel a deep sense of panic
i take a deep breath and hear Rafael say that i did a good job
i smile and press the send button in the final exam drop box
I go to eat dinner feel scared for my life
i go to the gym to let out some steam, run a mile, walk half of another mile, bicycle four a half miles and run up the stairs for a few minutes
i then head home
hours have passed and then a reply comes
i fearfully let out a little girly squeak
i squelch the desire to scream and press the open button
Once it is downloaded i open the page and scroll down scared of what i will see
taking my time to read each note in which as usual i find him to be extremely critical and difficult as most professors are
and then i have reached the end of the paper and i see my grade
THANK GOD i did the extra credit i got an 81!!!
i feel such a let down
all that hard work! for what?
well anyway that is my story.
such is the life of a college student
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