"Where are your Gods!"

This is me preaching to me before i am ever preaching to anyone else but i feel it should be shared.
I have learned this lesson over and over the hard way and the sad thing is that because i am human and so fickle i forget the lessons i learned yesterday and seem to always go back to things i did before. Now many of those things seem unimportant little things however in the grand scheme of things God cares.

So to start off this article i want to open with prayer and i have never done this but i want you to be open to what i have to say and to take it into your heart and receive it. just bow your head and ask God to open your heart and hear this message without an offensive spirit. I hope that you understand that this is not an attack on you but an attack against the mindset that we get in todays society and how it effects us. Please remember this is me talking to myself as well, even before i even share it with you.

Lately i have been learning the value of prayer. I know i should have learned the value of prayer so long ago but it is something that is downplayed so much and its importance in todays church is not highly ranked. How many churches have prayer rooms anymore? How many churches meet during the week to lift up their children in prayer and pray for the government and the lost. How many churches have prayer seminars or revivals where all we do is pray? But prayer is what breaks things apart in the spirit or brings things together. God hears prayer, more than anything else. yes God sees your tears and hurts when you hurt, but he doesn't feel invited into your presence to comfort you until you call on His name. Prayer is the avenue in which we touch the hem of Gods garment and even further when we feel His warmth and embrace.

A couple days ago i opened my new pink bible Amber gave me for a gift. It opened to Jeremiah. I had already taken a class on the major prophets and i studied Jeremiah and loved it. but i opened, to the passage of Jeremiah 2: 27-29 which basically is:
"Who say to a tree, 'you are my father,' and to a stone, 'you gave me birth.' For they have turned their back to me, and not their face. But in the time of their trouble they say, 'Arise and save us!' (28) But where are your Gods that you made for yourself? Let them arise, if they can save you, in your time of trouble; for as many as your cities are your gods, O Judah. (29) 'Why do you contend with me? You have all transgressed against me, Declares the Lord."


Now the statement that replays within my mind is, 'Arise and save us!' and Gods reply, 'But where are your Gods that you made for yourself?' Now in biblical times God was talking about the stone idols that the men of Judah had placed in their houses as household gods and the stone idols they bowed down before in prostration and for fornication. idol worship was rampant within the homes of Judah and they were ultimately exiled for their deeds. But now i look at this passage today and i think on my own life and i see God reminding me of the stone idols i have put up in my heart.

He asks me when i am in need, 'But where are your gods you have created for yourself?' for i have the idol of worry in my heart. I pray to the idol of finances, and i pray to the idol of love and relationships. and God is asking me to go to my gods and ask them to save me. What idols have you placed before God? There are days where i don't know what to say to God in prayer and that is something i struggle with but i have no problem going to a friend or blogging on the internet my hearts issues and problems and desires. that SHOULD NOT be the case with our savior! He died for us that He might draw close to us.

I was writing today in my notebook about how i wished certain things were happening in my relationships and as i hit my third paragraph all of a sudden God whispered into my heart, you write all your feelings on this page and yet you prayed just yesterday that you didn't know how to pray to me or tell me about your day. I felt instant conviction, and in instant reply i said to God, 'God! Do you want me to be alone for my whole life.' and in heartbreaking reply God whispers, 'I just want you to love me. . .'

Oh that God, should have to go to His creation and ask them to love Him! I am heartbroken that God had to ask me where my gods where, that he should even have to ask me to go to them for my rescue. So i ask you this, Where are your gods? Why haven't they saved you? and the truth is that they never will.

I love God so much and i want a deeper relationship with God, i want to show God through prayer and through my everyday life that i love him. I want to give Him my everything. I will break down and shatter all the wooden idols i have put into the temple of God. For our bodies are the temples of the Lord and when we fill it with worry, stress, pains, grudges, anger, depression, sin, fornication, idolatry we have put up idols in the temple of the Lord and the Lord doesn't feel welcome in His own home.

So my question is this, what next? What will you do? lets reestablish prayer in our lives and in our hearts. Because, prayer is the cellular device connected to Gods ear. Prayer is not something we can go without. Lets make prayer the number one thing that happens everyday all day, and when this happens it will be put back in the church as the number one thing as well.

There are no John Doe's in Christ

She was beautiful! even in her dirty clothing, that smelled of smoke. Her hair was mussed and yet held a soft golden luster that made her pretty. However it was her eyes that takes siege of your soul. If ever there was a moment in my life that someones eyes reached out and jerked me out of my state it was hers. they were blue, striking, gorgeous. like an ocean wave crashing upon the rocks of life. her eyes were truly the windows to her soul and i saw what was inside.

We were in Arkansas, and it was a Sunday. The children had come in for Sunday school and we were doing a special service for the kids. the service was a great success. the kids responded favorably to the music, the puppets, but most importantly the message. I watched as each child came to the front of the altar and began to worship and seek after God and so i began to make my rounds to pray with the children and help in whatever way i could. As i was praying with a little girl and her little brother i looked up and saw her. it was just a casual glance up from praying with the two children but my soul saw her soul. my head jerked up and she looked lost. She was just standing there. I don't even think she knew what to do.

How can i define the word lost to you. For i had never encountered this lost ever in my life. It was a death in her eyes that portrayed a death within her. her blue eyes were a cold grave to the hot spirit she once had. she was truly broken, hopeless and wandering this world with no purpose. and i saw that in one second. it only took a casual glance up to see who she was. she is a girl in need.

She was staring at me and i still do not know why. and so i asked her through lip talking if she had been prayed with and she said no. i asked her if she wanted me to pray with her and she said yes. so i removed myself from the two children seeking God and walked over to her.
I realized three VERY crucial things through this precious soul.
1. When a person see's the Holy Ghost in action, they really have NO clue what is going on
2. That you cannot rescue people from their worlds but you can impact it
3. There are no Jane Doe's in God's world

I think many times we take for granted what we know. We are so blessed to fully understand the gospel of Christ. That we forget that many people do not understand 1. the terminology but 2. the fullness of the Godhead. Many people have never even heard the name of Jesus. Now i know as you reading this you are thinking "well i know this already" and you are right. So did i . . . until that day. I realized it truly for the first time. When we are ministering to people we need to start from block A, and sometimes finding that block is SO hard because its a dusty block you may have never touched before because you have never had to before. but with this lost generation you cannot start from where you are at, but you need to start from where they are at. I know in bible college i am trained to speak with people and try to explain the Holy Ghost and who God is but with this beautiful girl it was so hard. She was so far removed from my world, and yet she was so close.

I have the privilege to say that my life has a very varied background. When i was younger it wasn't so easy for me to call it a privilege, i called it a curse. But as i sat with that young girl with dirty clothes and beautiful blue eyes i knew that i could relate to her world because in some ways i had experienced that world for myself. You see i started with trying to explain what the Holy Ghost was but i wasn't getting anywhere and so i ended by saying this: "Do you just want me to stay with you" and i watched as her eyes still shielded, hurt and confused realized that i cared and she nodded in silence. and so i sat with her. Sometimes just being with a person is enough for them to see that God cares. She didn't need a bible lesson right there, she needed a person to care.

Now instantly after having a conversation with her, i felt so immensely drawn to her. I cannot describe the pull i felt towards her. but i learned a very important lesson in the process. You cannot many times rescue (remove) people from their worlds but you can be a shaking force that impacts it. I realize that the time i had with her was limited but as she left and waved goodbye to me i felt in my heart that what i had done was enough. As she was walking away and i began to mourn and tear up, God whispered into my heart, "You planted the seed Ashley" and this is why: because i loved her and showed i did, i told her about God, I told her that God loved her, that the church was a safe place to come to and she should continue to come, and then i asked her if she was interested in a bible study to better understand God and the Holy Ghost. Do you know what she said to that question? SHE SAID YES!!! now i know that i can't be the one that gives her the bible study or the one to watch her get the Holy Ghost in the future or witness her baptism but by the grace and mercies of God i was the one who sat next to her when she needed someone and i was the one that took the time to let her see a different world than her own and trust me that in itself is enough.

And lastly, as i watched her walk away, i realized that i DIDN'T KNOW HER NAME! I felt heart broken, she refused to share her name or even take a picture with me. She was so protective of herself. But let me share with you a little something about her. She was drawn to me to and this is how i know.

I had left to go take pictures of all the kids praying when i knew that she was okay. As i was making my rounds praying and taking pictures of all the kids i turned my head to my left and she was suddenly standing next to me. She is only about 12 or 13 of age and she asked real quietly "can i take pictures?" How could i refuse her? I couldn't! and so i handed over the camera and with a slight grin i watched as she snapped pictures of my fellow students and of the kids in the altar. She came alive in those few moments and i realized that she was happy. No i do not know Jane Doe's name, but it was in that second as she was walking away from me that i realized; there are no Jane Doe's in Gods world. Though i may never see her ever again i can rest assure that God has her name written on the palm of His hand, that the number of the hairs on the top of her head he knows, that he can see the house she lives in, the hurts that are her burdens, I can be self assured that God has a plan and a purpose for her. And though i can do no more for Jane Doe, i know and find peace in the thought that GOD IS NOT DONE IN HER LIFE!

There are no Jane Doe's in Gods world, God cares and loves everyone. Though my reach be limited Gods hands and heart touch everything. I put Jane Doe in Gods hands and i know God will take care of her!

I'll never forget saying to her, "Must be rough right now." She nodded. I said, "Just surviving aren't you?" and she began to tear up and said yes. those two words were enough for me to realize that she is so precious. I don't know her life story, i don't even know what she is facing at home, or at school but God does and i know that he will take care of her. There are so many hurts and pains in this world and i saw that in Jane Doe's eyes, but i pray that through my actions i was a safe haven and momentary escape from the world she lived in. This is why we do what we do. This is why Gateway exists, and we minister to different churches and evangelize. NOT because of the power or money we can get but because we see a world in need. We see a people desperate for something different. Something that can help them survive, give them peace in the night, give them joy in their heart, and rest in their soul. Being lost is a non stop horror flick, you are constantly on edge, just waiting for the monster to jump out from the corner and send your life off kilter, but when they come in contact with God it is nothing they are expecting. He is the truest love story for all mankind and He wishes to bring all the Jane Doe's and John Doe's in the world to a peaceful place inside where they can have joy beyond their circumstance. So that they can have faith and hope even when it doesn't look like anything good can come out of the situations they are in. That is why we do what we do, because we want God to change their lives like he has changed ours.

I will never forget Jane Doe, just as i hope she will never forget me.

The Life Long Question

There are pivotal times in your life when you think about things that are important and things that are not.
Love...
Oh what an important word.
A word that conjures up images of romance, forever, passion, humility, selflessness, and Christ's sacrifice.
And yet the feeling feels so foreign. It seems like an unsolved mystery for so many.

You as a person searching for love, they ask the simple question, "what does love look like?" Does love even have a face?
Many times in my life I have seen what I thought was love. I thought I had love pegged! And then the most surprising thing happened, the couple broke up, the spouses got divorced, and the engaged couple parted ways... And in my confusion I asked yet again, "if this is not love, what is love?"

You know I have gotten to the point in my life that I am still asking that question but I think it is from a different angle now. I have been asking myself, "how do I see love?" This statement is quite different and yet the same. But I believe that instead of constantly being on a man hunt for what love could possibly look like I should internalize the question and look within myself. You see when you ask yourself what love is you begin to realize that love is so much more than what it may seem like from the outside. When you internalize love you slowly but surely come to the realization that love can't truly be found in anyone. The only love you will ever find is through Christ.

Humanity is wrought with perversion and atrocious ideas of what love is. Absurd ideas such as tough love, love that is physically rough, love that beats you, love that is conditional and holds consequences upon failure, love that never with stands the test of time.

There is even the misconstrued idea of love that is publicized in every romantic movie in Hollywood or disney princess movie. Ideas of love that include, fuzzy feelings, passion, physical touch, rapid heart, loss of breath and hunger. Ideas that love is eternal because that person you like makes you feel all warm inside. And if you feel that way you MUST be in love. But what the media never tell you is that over time those initial feelings eventually fade and what foundation you thought you had now stands on nothing and the couple eventually parts ways. This is a sad truth that is very much happening in our society today. Divorce rates are high and teen pregnancies are high. These two things are linked strongly to our societies perception of an illusion of what love is.

If you pay attention to this kind of love, your mind grows accustomed to its inadequacies and many times this kind of love is never enough. You are constantly striving to obtain it and ultimately falling short of its expectations therefore leaving you dissatisfied.
There is a love however that will never fall short. A love that quenches both your physical and spiritual needs.

"Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water. 11 The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water? 12 Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle? 13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: 14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. 15 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw"
-John 4:10-15 

So I have made the decision to not look anywhere else for what love may look like. But I will look straight at the one person that can truly show me what love really is. You see love may fail you in your marriage, and love may fail you with your boyfriend or sibling and even your father but there is an eternal love from your creator and savior that can never give the false illusion of love. Because the love you see, experience and feel from one day to the next is the purest kind when it comes from Christ. And I can assure you, your thirst will be quenched forever more.

So what is love?
God is love.

If God is not the center of your marriage then there is no true love. If God is not in the center of your life then you cannot truly love anyone else. Because humanities love will always fall short, but Gods love is eternal.

My Journey to the top of the word pile

I took another trip to the library today and renewed five of the books from the previous pile and then checked out seventeen new books on being a successful writer. they are all different topics. i sit here in my room in complete solitude with a bottle of water, a package of sticky notes, my computer and a pile of books and as i read and sticky note the books to death, i find myself overwhelmed and immersed. i truly feel over come with awe and desire for something that many times feels out of reach, and yet i continue to research, and learn and be better than what i am. i am determined to publish a book, if it is the last thing i do!

School has been good, work is a drag but when i curl up in my pink chair with my jammies on, my hair in a comfy ponytail and a self help book on writing i feel like i am in my element and that i am actually doing something i love. I want to make a difference in this world, i want my voice to be heard and as i read simple sentences, and quotes in these books i find myself tearing up and getting not a feeling of sorrow but of . . . well i don't know. it's not exactly joy and not exactly painful. it's an immense yearning, a passion, a drive, a dream! and even as i am writing these words i feel my heart constrict and my eyes water with such an extreme passion and motivation that i cant contain it within my chest.

i love writing. i love the feeling of seeing my hand hold a pen over parchment with the fluid movements of expression, i love the white glow of a computer screen on my face in the middle of the night as my fingers move to the speed of light over the key board. i love the feeling of writing and seeing responses from people in my life who say that my words helped them, encouraged them, changed their lives, made them cry, brought them closer to God. It is an incredible feeling and in those special moments my life feels complete and it holds the truest and purest meaning that anything else ever could. it is probably the same feeling a surgeon gets when a successful operation has taken place and he sews the last stitch into their precious and delicate skin. life is such a fragile thing,the body, the soul, the heart, the spirit all these elements of a person are things that must be ministered too and while the doctor endeavors to heal the body, i endeavor to touch and mend the heart, and mind. i want my words to stir the soul, and bring a tear of emotion to the eyes of my reader. i want my reader to be moved into action not empathy. for empathy and motivation are two different things.

i love this pile of books on my desk, i love the feeling of suspense as i discover new nuggets of information. I laughed with my friends today when i told them, "When a publisher asks me in the future, 'do you have a degree?' i will reply, 'why yes i do, i have the whole row of library books in my room if you would like to see my resources!" and though that may not be a degree i feel like i am doing something about my dream and that is more than what others can say. My daddy always said, "a dream can only take you so far." and i want to exceed the dreaming part, i want this dream to be my reality. My daddy prays for me every night concerning my procrastination, and though it sounds funny. i am thankful for his prayers, because they are being heard. i endeavor to become an author and the last thing i need is a friend called procrastination in my life. so may my dreams come true with each step i take toward its making!