Rain & Ash

 (Photo by: Cassidy Dejong)

The smoke is thick as it fills the lungs

my vulnerable lungs ache from the discomfort
my eyes sting and my head throbs like a beat of the drum

yet I continue to walk down the street

Ash falls from the sky, flying through the air

light as feathers they dance white with anger

they land where they please coming from the place where they were burned

the sky is orange and red with anger

as the smoke blots out the sun mutating it into a bloody red omen

and the rain is barred from pouring down

it was a time of chaos and confusion

it was a time of pain and loss

land and homes burned and lay desolate in the flames wake

the Waldo Canyon Wildfire proved itself to be a force to be reckoned with

the mountain side often called majestic was engulfed by red hot towering flames

they moved down its tips into the valleys taking everything in its path hostage

a thousand firemen working day and night face the fire bravely

helocoptars soar through the air and smoke pouring water over the beast

yet it continues to feast

this wildfire on June 26, 2012 was hungry and as it entered the city limits it struck fear into the hearts of coloradians

yet as the fire continues to move and swallow our beautiful forested land

you see people gathering to feed the homeless

shelter and shower the evacuees

there is strength within our ranks

and as pride soars for the firemen

love and pride soars for the people of Colorado Springs who have given much to bless others

we are indeed in a time of mourning for our land, our people and our homes

but as big drops of rain hit the ground with a thud, renewed hope filled our souls

and we sing a new song

that though we have lost much we will recover, we will rebuild and we will be stronger!
 

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Switchblades and Water guns

Picture by: Robert Yager

Back in the day . . . about seven years ago. I used to fight. I know, I know. NOT little miss Ashley! but yes, I had a serious problem with anger, and my fists in the barrio. Well there were worse barrios than the South side of San Antonio, but that was our barrio. The rage would just take over me, the adrenaline would course through my veins like a boiling heat under my skin, my hands would shake and then I would black out. I would wake up with a girl on the ground. It scared me. However, all we knew was to use our fists. Its a cycle of poverty intermingled with extremely dysfunctional communication, and as a result you wind up repeating the cycle over and over. Unless you are willing to change and work hard enough to make a change happen. When I came to Christ and found a relationship with him, things changed. Now i just get angry, and then get over it :) But let me tell you, finding Christ didn't solve my problems, it took painful years preceding salvation to fix the dysfunctional kinks in my life.


When someone purposely does something to belittle me (like today), my first reaction is shock. I go through a couple seconds of, "I cannot believe he did that!" and then after the shock has subsided, the anger within starts to boil over. I can't imagine what I look like from the outside, but from within, lets just say it gets black and red! I can feel the steam start to rise above my soul as I try to keep composed. and then after the waves of different emotions pass through me, I smile a sweet and mocking smile that could make a warm pond in the summer turn to ice.

After they have left, then the anger really hits, because now I have the leisure to rile and complain. I also have the ability to possibly punch something, or scream into a pillow (If available). I think of all the things I could have said, all the low blows I could have caused him pain with, and then i mentally run through all the weapons I have in my arsenal. However, after about twenty minutes of ranting and raving, I begin to slow down. I am most likely sitting or laying down on my bed at this point, and have successfully reached the point of pity. I pity the person that is hurting, or broken so much that they felt the need to humiliate me. It is the oldest trick in the book. If they can get the attention on them, then they feel more powerful, and their perception of their significance seems a little better.

However, the truth is that tomorrow morning the sun will rise, and the birds will be chirping, It will be a beautiful morning and he will wake up, back in the bed he made in life. Most likely in a melancholy disposition, he will take a deep sorrowful and lonely breath. He will get up and cross the room to the mirror, look at himself and realize that he hasn't changed and that nothing in life has changed. He isn't powerful, and the glory from the attention that he had yesterday, by hurting someone only lasted in the moment. He really was powerless.

Yes, I pity that person.

Then with conviction, I ask myself why I wasn't mature enough to pray for him in the first place? I am just as immature as he is. I was imagining different ways (for about twenty minutes) of how I could get back at him with weapons like a switchblade or a bazooka. Man is my mind violent! But the truth is that I don't even have a water gun! What was the motivation behind this? Probably because I wanted the power to get back at him. And so the cycle of offense and hurt goes full circle through his actions, and my reaction. Yes I pity him, but most of all in the end I must learn to love him. No matter how humiliating, painful, or unjust it was, in the end Christ's love is more powerful than my pity.

But loving someone after they hurt you is pretty hard! yes it is!!
BUT, I have to realize that learning to love someone overnight is near to impossible. It really takes time. However, after prayer, personal reminders, a scripture, and a quote about the betterment of mankind, maybe after all that hard work. and possibly talking to yourself in the mirror every morning for the next couple weeks, you will come to a place, where you will be able to love him as Christ loves him.

and that is the conclusion i came to after an incident today :) whew! I came full circle!

Finger Paints and Philosophy

The daycare was slow, and the students were less in number than usual. As a result of such a warm lazy day in the summer, the teacher decided today would be a great day to finger paint. With the bottles of rainbow assorted colors they set out for the classroom. The girls were giggly with excitement as they trudged down the hall. They felt important as they each helped the teacher carry the bottles. ponytails and braids swayed from side to side as they moved down the hall, as excitement filled the air.

Once they reached the class, construction paper of many colors were pulled out, t-shirts to get messy in were put on, and paints were poured on paper plates. The teacher said, in the most game show host tone like voice possible, "let the painting begin!" Loud giggles, screeching, talking and playing began as the shirts darkened with use and hands became slaves to the thick paints. Butterflies, hand prints, bugs, and plants were painted out on the paper! imaginations were set free, as what was in the children's heads were set free through their imaginations! It truly was a beautiful time!

"You can go to extremes with impossible schemes

 You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams

 and life gets more exciting with each passing day

 and love is either in your heart, or on its way."

-Frank Sinatra

That is when I entered the classroom! I saw all the fun and excitement, the girlish giggles from the three five year old girls and my best friend (the teacher) painting her mom. I laughed as I watched her try to make brown out of the glittery paints (that looked like a shade of poo) and laughed even more as the girls told me to sit at the child size table and make butterflies. As i tried to position myself in a sturdy kids chair at the table, I grabbed a white piece of paper and began my masterpiece. With hot pink, blue, orange, and purples i created butterflies, and with green made a flower and grass! 

However, as I was sitting there with the children, enjoying the moment, I realized a profound truth. When you are young, life seems so much simpler. Many things that are deemed as important outside the four walls of the intensely decorated classroom are no longer prevalent. Because, when you are sitting in a miniature chair, next to little girls asking you to draw butterflies, and your fingers are messy from the grit of the paints, you realize that life is so much more beautiful and fun when you are young at heart!

"Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth

to be young at heart

For as rich as you are, it's much better by far

to be young at heart."

-Frank Sinatra