Over a bowl of Wonton Soup

The restaurant was reletatively slow on this sunday afternoon.
Customers trickled in and out at a snails pace.
I sat at the table that i felt most comfortable at.
I could hear the grandmother in the back sitting with the youngest daughter of the owners.
She was always in a bouncer with wheels.
and so as you ate, you would find a 12 month old baby scooting around the room on her bouncy
she is adorably chunky and active, and amazingly outspoken for her age
There is always something so adorable about the pink blush that graces an infants face when they are happy
it ultimately warms your heart and makes you in turn happy
the two oldest daughters are bilingual and always eating chinese noodles at a nearby table
I must have a knack for coming during their dinner time
and the mother and father (the owners) are quite blunt yet gentle in their demeanor
They remind me of my hispanic family :) "lovingly honest"
however this day I brought a friend with me, to my "comfort" restaurant
and on this day, I also shared a secret with my friend.
As the chinese language flew back and forth in the restaurant, and the little girls giggled and laughed as they played with their noodles
I said to my friend, over a bowl of wonton soup,
"I love to come here, because the noise brings me comfort." For some reason i do enjoy the family noise. as the husband looks over a map and the wife takes orders from the front. the grandmother cuddles the infant and the little daughters read books or run in and outside constantly i feel comforted because in a small way i feel apart
the truth is that i am just a customer, but for that small time that i eat, I am apart of their world
However, when dinner is done and i ask for a bag to take my left over's home, it always has to come to an end.
when i walk out the door to leave i am no longer a part of that close knit world
when i get home i can no longer hear the girls giggles, or the sound of the infants scooter, i can't even hear the owner's foreign language sing in the air.
In the end all I have are memories of a family that once a week gives me comfort just by being themselves
What is it about their presence that gives me peace?
I don't know, but when I am with them I don't feel so alone
I feel a bit better about where I am.
I know some single people don't like to go out eating by themselves, but the truth is that I love it
I love to sit alone in little hole in the wall restaurants (whether that be chinese, korean, mexican, jamaican, or African) because it is in those restaurants that i feel the most apart.
I feel for that small amount of time that I am not alone.
and over time if i visit the restaurant enough i do get the privilege of becoming a part of their community.
For instance in Colorado Springs there is a restaurant named, Jade Dragon, and the owner's name is Golden.
I miss him a lot these days. he always made me feel like a valued customer, but even more than that over time i felt like a valued friend of his.
Its people like this that i love.
it reminds me that even though i am alone, when i want good food by good people, for that hour at least i am not so alone as i first supposed.

The Porch Swing

Goodbye to the Cliche,
A letter is a final submission and admission of what is hidden in the heart
words that were never spoken but held dear from the start
in many dreams and desires, even unaware
I held the family cliche closely to my heart.
why you ask such a thing would be my dearest treasure
because in the moments of the storm it was my warmest weather
I see the mail man with his bag walking down the street
iced tea in the evening while on the porch swing
I see him walking the dog right before bed
and when the lights have all gone off it was her lullaby that rung through my head
maybe its the comfort of a family I never had
a parental unit that held together no matter what was near
the pain of yesterday still clings to me in the most rawest of places
and even in my dreams at night I can't begin to erase it
I said goodbye to the cliche because even a minivan in a garage makes me sad
a child running across the street leaves me empty and sometimes mad
what of a father hugging his son in the altar how then do you think I feel?
or the wife holding her husband in the morning before the first meal
the goodbye kiss for the day what a cliche thing to see
but its the cliche in my heart that hurts me deeply that I continually seek
my own thoughts of what it should have been play over in my mind
and in anger I cling to it rather than slowly saying goodbye
so goodbye I must say to the things I wish that were
in place of a reality where the dream is just a vapor
a vapor that like a mist dried away with the sun
leaving only a small moisture mark on the cement it was once on