Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders Love affair

Well I wouldn't normally write anything of this nature. But for one reason, I have the itch to write and two this topic hit yahoo's news page. lol Now I would just like to clarify that I am not gonna cry, feel betrayed or possibly end up getting mad over this (like many fans.) I am sad but who would.'t (Under conditions) :)

Kristen Stewart  . . . .
I am one of the Twifans even before they were movies, way back in the day when I was in high school (long time ago). What amazes me about fictional characters is once you invest your emotions in them, they can seem just as real as anyone else. I think for many people because celebrities are people that live far from their world, they are in a sense on the same level of existence in their mind as a fictional character. Their emotions are invested in people that they have only seen from a distance or through the pages of books, or tv screens.

For the Twilight saga phenomenon, this would be very much true. Because not only have the books created a world of passionate love and triangle relationships for fantastical characters, it also created a movie that visually stimulated what was already provided for them through the books. this is a double wammy for fans because they associate real life people with the passionate life and relationship of fictional characters. As a result, fans would naturally desire for the "fictional" characters to end up together and live happily ever after who just happen to be real people named Kristen and Robert. I can't imagine the heavy burden and natural pull that Stewart and Pattinson must have felt for each other at first by their fans.

Clearly, if a person is cheating something is either missing or not being met in the relationship that they are in. If the relationship was healthy and all needs (at both ends) were being met, then a person would not feel the need to cheat. Of course there are always extenuating circumstances to that assumption. But my premise can easily be upheld.

I don't know their relationship, I only know their characters. The limited access that they have allowed the public to see of their relationship is enough for an individual to assume that it is private. I realize that there are certain fans that are easily effected by this, because of their attachment. For instance a Youtube person otherwise known as NuttyMadam made a video of her heartbreak concerning this news of Kristen's infidelity. My response to her heartbreak is, it isn't her relationship. She says to leave them alone but then post her heartbreak and gives an accusatory title to her video? seems like a double standard to me.


Yes, leave them alone. People make mistakes and the only person that can truly fix this problem would be Kristen. Love truly is a delicate thing that must constantly be fostered. I will make no assumptions of the relationship of Kristen and Robert. It's ultimately up to them to decide what must happen now.

I give extreme kudos to Kristen for not only admitting her mistake but also admitting that her love for Pattinson is in existance and still very real to her. "I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry," -Kristen Stewart (people.com-quote)
What humbling and brave thing for her to admit and say. Good Luck Lovey's.

Almost Thirty. . .

Her name is San Dara from the girl group called 2NE1. I absolutely adore her. She is about to turn thirty and she is still unmarried. For certain companies in South Korea, bands have dating bans. During those times, the members are not allowed to get romantically involved with anyone. For Dara that ban was lifted in May. Hopefully she will find someone handsome and kind, and worth her time. :)

But I know, here in the United States, dating can be a difficult thing when you are a full time student and working. I am single and in my senior year in college, and I have a job and heavily involved in my church. My goal is to be fluent in korean before I go to South Korea to teach English as a second language. To be honest, I get so busy with the life that I have created for myself that I forget to date. The older I get, I get more comfortable with being single, and though I get lonely, the energy it takes to get romantically involved seems like so much!

You have to learn to care and love that person :) listen to him, spend time with him, cook for him, and all these other things, and I know it would take away from my job, or my church, or my school.... I'm not saying I don't want to get married or I don't want to be in a relationship, but when I look at it from that perspective it seems like a HUGE responsibility. I am SO proud of San Dara for making a great career for herself and putting a legacy in her life, so that now she can relax, look back on her successful life and now create a family. I want the same thing for me!

I want a degree, and a career! I want to say that I did something with my life and that I was successful! I want to go to South Korea, fluently speaking the language and making a beautiful career that I did the best of my ability. I want to look back on my life and see a life that was fully lived, not a life that was wasted. I don't want to regret the moments of my past, but see a clear life that I can be fond of. After I have done that, I would be proud to settle down, give the man of my dreams my long awaited heart and have children. It would be in that time, I would be proud to call myself a mother, because I know that when they are grown, they would be proud to calls themselves my children.

I am only turning 24 in about twenty days. Six years away from thirty. So right now I don't have anything to worry about. I think the only reason I feel pressure to be married so often is because my twin Anja is married and on her third child. Seeing it from that perspective, I can see why people want me to be "happy." They want me to be happy like my twin has found happiness, but what people don't realize is that where I am at right now is where I am happy the most. When they realize that, I don't think I will feel as much pressure to be married and have a din of kids yet. 

The link below is a clip from a popular South Korean show called, "Strong Heart" and it was a YG special for two episodes. Episode 123 and 124 where the original MC had his last night. It is a beautiful episode and certainly full of laughs but this is a breakout song and dance that San Dara wrote to the world! Both funny and Cute!!!! <3 Please Enjoy!


I have never Actually voiced these thoughts so clearly before but I hope that these thoughts can be appreciated for what they are :)

Those Silly Early Risers

My ENTIRE immediate family are night people. The average hours my family stays up during the night is 1:30 to 3:30 in the morning and that is during the work week. Let's not even recap on weekends. However, I have always found it easier (once i am up for the day) to be in a better mood in the morning, sociable, cook and clean than the rest of my family. I always thought it strange, but never considered myself a morning person because I am not fully "awake" until noon if I don't have my coffee. Because it is not normal for my family to be up before 9 in the morning, my body has found it more convenient to sleep when the rest of my family gets up. My twin could sleep until two sometimes, when we were growing up. Anja was a COMPLETE night person, sometimes not even sleeping a wink during the night. Now as a mother, her children have gotten her genes... well she is regretting it now. :)

With the new hours pressed upon me at work, I have discovered that my body since childhood has been conditioned to survive as a night person. When truly and naturally I am a morning person and just never knew. Lately my alarm goes off at 7:00 am and during my two hour break from work around 10 am, I go home and clean and cook. I just have all this energy reserved for those hours. Energy I NEVER knew existed before. This just goes to show that me and Anja truly are mirror twins. She the night and complete opposite from me who is the day! In every way this has always been true! it is really interesting the more I study me and Anja's twinnie relationship.

"Lazy hands make a man poor,
but diligent hands bring wealth. He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son,
but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son." 

-Proverbs 10: 4-5

The Lord knew what he was doing when he created the morning. What I find most beautiful is that I get most things done in the morning but my family and twin gets most of their things done at night. Even as a Mom, my twin still does her cleaning at night. She gets most of her energy when her body is used to giving it. The problem is that I never had energy because my body was never awake to get it. I wasn't a "sluggard" but I can't imagine how much more I would have gotten done if I had discovered this awesome thing earlier in my life. 

As a result, I am convinced that I the early bird can one day get the worm. This is just as true for Anja who can one day catch the fish from the top of the moon. I recommend that each person figure out for themselves what kind of person they are. Are you a morning person, or a night person, and designate necessities for the day according to what type you are. Now that I know that I am a morning person, i need to retrain my body to go to bed early and rise earlier in the day. It will be hard because this is a lifetime of training that I am going up against but for some of you, it may be easier :) give it a try! 

Here are some funny pics I got off Google search and thought you may enjoy! :) 

Enjoy your day!

In the Land of Cowboys

I looked down to my phone screen, and with slight dismay sat and pondered the question on my screen. should I accept or decline roaming? with quiet inner compliance I declined and turned my phone onto airplane mode.  There was absolutely no reception up in the middle of nowhere (called Peyton Colorado). For the past ten minutes I had been driving on dirt road that painted my van (named Lou) a ghetto sheen of tan dust. We had finally arrived on the property, snuggled comfortably next to a gigantic plateau. The Coniferous trees wonderfully camouflaged the little red house with a long wooden porch. and the air was clean and crisp as my lungs greedily took each breath in. This place truly was a oasis away from the city. . . If you considered Colorado Springs a city. :) Up against the immense silence in Peyton Colorado, Colorado Springs' noise would seem like an intrusion upon the senses.

I took in the beauty of nature in its organic form! the uninterrupted beauty away from civilization. Though people have made this place their home for many years, it was nature itself that hold the reigns in this terrain. I could feel it in the dirt that went between the toes of my sandaled feet, I could smell it in the odorous smell of pine and weed.The air was fresh and clear from the lack of pollution or manufactured life. The trees were wild and free, not just two to the front yard and three to the back. The wild grass grew, and had no limit on how tall it wished to be. the weeds had no fear of being plucked from the ground by their roots and dying while vulnerable to the red hot sun. The mountain lions came and went as they pleased. Life all together was wild in its purest form and unabandonly free!

I knew I was no longer in the city when the cars on the dirt road slowed to a crawl because a baby calf got free from the fencing and was now running parallel with the traffic. I knew I was in the middle of nowhere when all the land was vast and housing was spotted in the distance as minute specks on the horizon. I knew I was in the middle of nowhere when I had no service on my cell phone, and all hope for outside contact felt lost. This was a land of cowboys not of business men. A land of wranglers and hats rather than suits and berets. This was a land that had an appeal for the introvert, and i was just introverted enough to be seduced.

We went into the red house to make dinner with plans to work in the green house in a couple hours. As Linda grilled the marinated steaks, I sat on the couch reading magazines her friend had told her would help with the mourning process. It felt as though Scott was still there. His clothes still hung in the closet, the wood piles still beckoned him to come split them for the winter, His truck still held his cologne, and his presence still lingered in the walls of the home and greenhouse he built with his own hands. Linda alone in the middle of nowhere, mourned for the life of her husband who passed but two weeks ago. I caught myself just standing and silently loving her as the tears randomly came. Many times its not even words they wish to have but someone there to know they aren't alone.

As life continued to turn, and time didn't even slow with his passing, I learned that death is not mourned by life. Time does not flinch for the past, it just continues to turn. Because nature itself has needs that cannot be ignored. The seasons have demands and the worlds cycle has its rounds to make around the sun. It cannot slow down for heartache. It is only those that have lost their loved one that feel the ever aching pain of loss and it is in those moments that you wish time would stop and let you have a breath, a rest, or an eternity to sleep. It felt so unfair to mourn life without the comfort of life itself.

But the mountains remain still and the trees continue to tower, the clouds still pour out the rain and the sun still shines. It was a comfort that weekend as Linda stood by the back door looking out to the ranch land while the sun set. With the orange glow as the clouds sat clustered.The imminent blue of the night sky slowly crept across the horizon to convert to night. We talked of heaven and the hope for tomorrow. Though Scott is gone, her tears were not in vain because tomorrow brings another day of passing and one second closer to an eternity above.

Rain & Ash

 (Photo by: Cassidy Dejong)

The smoke is thick as it fills the lungs

my vulnerable lungs ache from the discomfort
my eyes sting and my head throbs like a beat of the drum

yet I continue to walk down the street

Ash falls from the sky, flying through the air

light as feathers they dance white with anger

they land where they please coming from the place where they were burned

the sky is orange and red with anger

as the smoke blots out the sun mutating it into a bloody red omen

and the rain is barred from pouring down

it was a time of chaos and confusion

it was a time of pain and loss

land and homes burned and lay desolate in the flames wake

the Waldo Canyon Wildfire proved itself to be a force to be reckoned with

the mountain side often called majestic was engulfed by red hot towering flames

they moved down its tips into the valleys taking everything in its path hostage

a thousand firemen working day and night face the fire bravely

helocoptars soar through the air and smoke pouring water over the beast

yet it continues to feast

this wildfire on June 26, 2012 was hungry and as it entered the city limits it struck fear into the hearts of coloradians

yet as the fire continues to move and swallow our beautiful forested land

you see people gathering to feed the homeless

shelter and shower the evacuees

there is strength within our ranks

and as pride soars for the firemen

love and pride soars for the people of Colorado Springs who have given much to bless others

we are indeed in a time of mourning for our land, our people and our homes

but as big drops of rain hit the ground with a thud, renewed hope filled our souls

and we sing a new song

that though we have lost much we will recover, we will rebuild and we will be stronger!
 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Switchblades and Water guns

Picture by: Robert Yager

Back in the day . . . about seven years ago. I used to fight. I know, I know. NOT little miss Ashley! but yes, I had a serious problem with anger, and my fists in the barrio. Well there were worse barrios than the South side of San Antonio, but that was our barrio. The rage would just take over me, the adrenaline would course through my veins like a boiling heat under my skin, my hands would shake and then I would black out. I would wake up with a girl on the ground. It scared me. However, all we knew was to use our fists. Its a cycle of poverty intermingled with extremely dysfunctional communication, and as a result you wind up repeating the cycle over and over. Unless you are willing to change and work hard enough to make a change happen. When I came to Christ and found a relationship with him, things changed. Now i just get angry, and then get over it :) But let me tell you, finding Christ didn't solve my problems, it took painful years preceding salvation to fix the dysfunctional kinks in my life.


When someone purposely does something to belittle me (like today), my first reaction is shock. I go through a couple seconds of, "I cannot believe he did that!" and then after the shock has subsided, the anger within starts to boil over. I can't imagine what I look like from the outside, but from within, lets just say it gets black and red! I can feel the steam start to rise above my soul as I try to keep composed. and then after the waves of different emotions pass through me, I smile a sweet and mocking smile that could make a warm pond in the summer turn to ice.

After they have left, then the anger really hits, because now I have the leisure to rile and complain. I also have the ability to possibly punch something, or scream into a pillow (If available). I think of all the things I could have said, all the low blows I could have caused him pain with, and then i mentally run through all the weapons I have in my arsenal. However, after about twenty minutes of ranting and raving, I begin to slow down. I am most likely sitting or laying down on my bed at this point, and have successfully reached the point of pity. I pity the person that is hurting, or broken so much that they felt the need to humiliate me. It is the oldest trick in the book. If they can get the attention on them, then they feel more powerful, and their perception of their significance seems a little better.

However, the truth is that tomorrow morning the sun will rise, and the birds will be chirping, It will be a beautiful morning and he will wake up, back in the bed he made in life. Most likely in a melancholy disposition, he will take a deep sorrowful and lonely breath. He will get up and cross the room to the mirror, look at himself and realize that he hasn't changed and that nothing in life has changed. He isn't powerful, and the glory from the attention that he had yesterday, by hurting someone only lasted in the moment. He really was powerless.

Yes, I pity that person.

Then with conviction, I ask myself why I wasn't mature enough to pray for him in the first place? I am just as immature as he is. I was imagining different ways (for about twenty minutes) of how I could get back at him with weapons like a switchblade or a bazooka. Man is my mind violent! But the truth is that I don't even have a water gun! What was the motivation behind this? Probably because I wanted the power to get back at him. And so the cycle of offense and hurt goes full circle through his actions, and my reaction. Yes I pity him, but most of all in the end I must learn to love him. No matter how humiliating, painful, or unjust it was, in the end Christ's love is more powerful than my pity.

But loving someone after they hurt you is pretty hard! yes it is!!
BUT, I have to realize that learning to love someone overnight is near to impossible. It really takes time. However, after prayer, personal reminders, a scripture, and a quote about the betterment of mankind, maybe after all that hard work. and possibly talking to yourself in the mirror every morning for the next couple weeks, you will come to a place, where you will be able to love him as Christ loves him.

and that is the conclusion i came to after an incident today :) whew! I came full circle!

Finger Paints and Philosophy

The daycare was slow, and the students were less in number than usual. As a result of such a warm lazy day in the summer, the teacher decided today would be a great day to finger paint. With the bottles of rainbow assorted colors they set out for the classroom. The girls were giggly with excitement as they trudged down the hall. They felt important as they each helped the teacher carry the bottles. ponytails and braids swayed from side to side as they moved down the hall, as excitement filled the air.

Once they reached the class, construction paper of many colors were pulled out, t-shirts to get messy in were put on, and paints were poured on paper plates. The teacher said, in the most game show host tone like voice possible, "let the painting begin!" Loud giggles, screeching, talking and playing began as the shirts darkened with use and hands became slaves to the thick paints. Butterflies, hand prints, bugs, and plants were painted out on the paper! imaginations were set free, as what was in the children's heads were set free through their imaginations! It truly was a beautiful time!

"You can go to extremes with impossible schemes

 You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams

 and life gets more exciting with each passing day

 and love is either in your heart, or on its way."

-Frank Sinatra

That is when I entered the classroom! I saw all the fun and excitement, the girlish giggles from the three five year old girls and my best friend (the teacher) painting her mom. I laughed as I watched her try to make brown out of the glittery paints (that looked like a shade of poo) and laughed even more as the girls told me to sit at the child size table and make butterflies. As i tried to position myself in a sturdy kids chair at the table, I grabbed a white piece of paper and began my masterpiece. With hot pink, blue, orange, and purples i created butterflies, and with green made a flower and grass! 

However, as I was sitting there with the children, enjoying the moment, I realized a profound truth. When you are young, life seems so much simpler. Many things that are deemed as important outside the four walls of the intensely decorated classroom are no longer prevalent. Because, when you are sitting in a miniature chair, next to little girls asking you to draw butterflies, and your fingers are messy from the grit of the paints, you realize that life is so much more beautiful and fun when you are young at heart!

"Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth

to be young at heart

For as rich as you are, it's much better by far

to be young at heart."

-Frank Sinatra