Addicted to Control

Hello my name is Ashley and I was an addict of control. 

"That according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19

I want to spend a little time expressing the beauty of time. Its beautiful because it is a wonderful tool the Lord uses to grow, mature and mold his servants into the people he would have them be. I have always heard people say things like, "well give it time," or "time will heal it." However, my mind couldn't really comprehend how that was so. Let me attempt to give you a visual image detailing what exactly an individual means when they say this.

First off I must preface that time is a powerful tool because so many things change over time. Nothing is ever truly static. In the height of our situation, it is hard for us to imagine things being different than what they are in the present. It is hard for us to imagine things changing when something seems so permanent and yet as time passes (slowly and in its due course) things truly begin to change and shift. That is the beauty of life. Even life itself on earth is seasonal and is in a constant state of change.

Now back to life. When we struggle and hurt, especially when we feel that God went on vacation or is sleeping, we find ourselves wondering if things will ever change. We find ourselves wondering if things will ever get better. In that moment things seem so very permanent. Therefore a desire to take control and immediately try to change the situation by force has its appeal.

I propose to you today that it is all about mindset. You must ask yourself one simple question, "Are you willing to be changed?"
As I began this article, I began with a statement that is pivotal to this discussion, and to the question I previously posed. So how does being an addict of control have anything to do with time & change? I have (all my life) been addicted to control. I was addicted because it gave me a false sense of security and safety from others and even from God. Though at the time I did not truly realize how control bent I was on not allowing God to have control. Why did I do this? Why did it make me feel safe? Independence, strength, willpower, determination... These are all characteristics that I deemed admirable all throughout my life. Just as I viewed laziness, a lack of dreams, complacency, and weakness as terrible attributes to behold. Maybe it was the childhood that fostered perfection, or the idea of ever disappointing my father, or the mere reality that I could not face a single person ever having the control or ability to ever hurt me again. Whatever it was that propelled me forward to an addiction to control is not as important as realizing that it was a very real addiction that I not only utilized but deeply cherished. 

Here is the moment we have all been waiting for. Control is the lack of humility. It is the lack of trust and faith that despite our ability to control a life situation, we can depend on a God that not only desires to grow us but prosper us. Only time and a willingness to change can make a difference in the life of an individual that desires to become what God has in mind for them. The reality is that it is a painful process that rewires how the spirit responds to life circumstances, how the mind translates and chooses to react to the circumstance and our humble willingness to trust despite our fear and insecurity of not knowing what will happen.

I asked the question, "Are you willing to be changed?" Because when an individual refuses to let go of control and let God, it is literally like digging your heels in and never allowing good to come into life. If it is not God making the changes that only time and healing through His ministering Spirit can make, then it is not of God. Therefore life will never be what you planned. Therefore there will never be peace. There will never be joy. There will never be a deep sense of intimacy and friendship with your Creator that you so deeply desire (even though you don't realize it).

But it is a process. That kind of change doesn't happen over night. A wonderful and beautiful friend that I hold dear to my heart said to me one night, "Ash, letting go of control is little baby steps that you release from day to day. It isn't something you let go of all at once, because you realize that you won't ever completely let go." It is the everyday decision to let go of control and let God in whatever situation you are in right now. It is all you can do, but the beauty of time, no matter how long is that God changes you. He transforms you into the servant, child, heir of His kingdom that He would have you be, if you are willing. Are you willing to let go of control and be changed? It takes bravery and courage. It is the willingness to be vulnerable and open to being unsure of the outcome. It takes the courage to trust despite what you see. It is no small thing for the weak. It truly is a challenge for the warrior of God, that Christ would have you be. But it involves letting go and letting time take its time. 

This is when things start to really get tough, because nothing happens in our timing. Its the spiritual fruit of longsuffering that is fostered and matured in time of letting go and letting God. We must cling to a hope that despite what we see and feel, our future is brighter in Him because He is the one in control of it. Never be proud of a life that is addicted to control because that life will only bring deep seeded disappointment, rebellion and unwillingness to be close to anyone worth loving you. Cling to the character of God. Remind yourself of His unchanging character; which is a character of steadfast love, faithfulness, strength, justice and mercy... Etc... These characteristics will never change. Lean on this when times seem too permanent. Because though we don't realize it now, the season is changing.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stays awake in vain." Psalm127:1