Yesterday night, my church had its monthly leadership meeting and pastor showed an impacting video about suffering and its correlation with our relationship with God and our dependence on Him. The root of the message was not suffering, or leadership, or success... No the root of the message was tied to man's need of God and our trust in Him.
The woman in the video has been paraplegic for 45 years. I'm not paraplegic, but just as everyone has their struggles, I do as well. She described a time of intense suffering. A time of which life seemed so dark and all questions seemed to be left unanswered. Nothing made sense. Life had no meaning and death seemed so much more appealing. She talked of a time when she professed to be Christian but admitted that she didn't truly know Christ personally.
I cannot express how much of an encouragement it is to know that I am not alone. The number one tool of the enemy is emotional and physical isolation. If the enemy can get you to believe that you are the only one feeling this way, struggling in this way, suffering in this way then you are more likely to pull away in pain, discomfort and anger. Loneliness is a painful experience that if channeled right and responded to correctly can draw you closer to God. However, the majority of time, it propels people towards sin, bitterness and isolation.
No matter the life situation. It is OK to be desperate for God. In fact i would encourage it! It is better to be desperate for God than to wholeheartedly pursue coping mechanism and addictions as a means to appease the pain within. Yes we have our mountain moments and other times we have our valley moments. In the mountain moments we aren't as desperate for a touch of God. We aren't as desperate in our need of His love or relationship. Our daily devotion and gratefulness isn't always the first fruits of our day. But in the valley it is.
This woman has been paraplegic for 45 years! After 45 years she still has many mornings where she cannot bring herself to smile, enjoy life or get up in the morning. She has a friend brush her teeth and dress her everyday. That is a daily, humbling, human experience. It is no wonder that she doesn't want to face the day. I am an individual that struggles with depression and overcoming my childhood abuse and trauma. Mine is little in comparison to the struggle she faces everyday. But the truth is that there are mornings that I find it hard to get up in the morning. I find it hard at times to smile and see the brightness and potential in life when everything within me seems so gray. It is hard for me to feel good about living when I wake up and relive a flashback that washes over me and spreads like fear over my skin. No it isn't easy.
However, it is OK. In our desperation. In our pain. In our daily trials of just making it through, it helps us do one thing and that is depend on God with all we have. She is right. I can't lift myself up out of a painful flashback from the past, from the pain that seers through me like a soul killing knife, just as she can't lift herself out of bed by her own strength. But there is one who can and that is our God. We need God whether we realize it or not. In the mountaintop experience it is harder for us to recognize it, but in the valley our dependence in our Creator is absolutely essential.
In the midst of unanswered questions and pain that seers through you day by day, trust God. Know that the pain will not always go away when you tell it to, but accept that in the midst of pain that endures for what seems like forever is meant to draw you to God. I think the hardest part for me to learn was realizing that just because I know what is wrong and why I am in pain, doesn't mean that I will feel better that instant. There will be times a flashback will wash over me and I will be miserable, but crying, praying and resting doesn't mean I will instantly empty of the bad feelings and instantly fill with amazing feelings.
I will find a confidence to rest in God through the pain. What it does mean is that in my pain, as I cry and pray, I consciously make the decision to trust that God knows what he is doing and that it is for my good. Just as the lady in the video will not be instantly healed and able to walk just because she trusts God and has worked through the painful memories of breaking her neck in a swimming accident. We must be willing to let life work its heal process in us over the course of time. We cannot rush the work of God.
God loves those that are humble and in need of Him constantly! Those that wholly depend on Him have the greatest joy and peace than those that live in their own strengths. I think that the story of Gideon (Judges 7) is a prime example of how God uses human weakness to showcase his greatness and might through a super natural victory. If we allow Him to work in us by trusting Him, resting in Him, we too can watch the greatest victories take place in our lives simply by allowing God's glory and might to work through us. Human strength. My strength. Your strength is too limited, but Gods strength can move mountains. Wipe out enemies by the thousands with a single breath and create the universe with a single word. Don't box your God but allow Him to shine in your life.
Read Judges 7 and let it be an encouragement to you in your struggle! Many blessings!
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